The second insight

The second insight was the one that inspired my blog on pain and joy (under Consider This). This is the back story.

I was feeling a chronic loneliness I’ve experienced on and off since my early childhood, which is of course where it originated. Telling myself I couldn’t stand the pain and believing I would have it forever, and also that it proved that I had done something wrong with my life because otherwise I wouldn’t be in pain, I asked for help from whomever or whatever goes beyond me.

I found myself singing that old Beatle favourite “Help me if you please I’m feeling down, and I do appreciate your hanging round. Help me get my feet back on the ground. Won’t you please help me?”

The help came in an unexpected way. I heard myself saying “I accept the pain.”

And then somehow it was all different. The pain was still there, but so was my excitement and my joy, all in a mix, all part of that unique mix that is me. And I realized that pain did not preclude joy, and both were okay, and there was nothing to be ashamed of, it was simply what I am. And I liked it, liked that cocktail of me, liked me!

New words to the old song now came to me. “Help me if you please, I’m feeling fine. And I do appreciate your being mine. Help me get my feet right off the ground.”

And I found myself leaping with joy. It was a good day after all.